Asunder
by IcelandGirl812
Summary: Fear and pain and hurt and loss. Roommates and revival and rediscovery and love. Finding everything after what matters gets taken away. A story, told in twelve drabbles of 100-words or slightly more. For Lisa.
1. Pain

**I had something a little different in mind when I decided to write you a present, Lisa. But then this came out. And lately, I've been coming up against characters who tell me to sit back, shut up, and let them do their work. So, I hope you're alright with this. You did give me kinda sad prompts, after all. I just rolled with them, heh.**

**Anyway, Lisa: thank you for being there, being sweet, being full of advice, being funny, and being _you_. Couldn't ask for more, love.**

**Neverending love and thanks to my Wifey for giving me the summary.  
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**Prompt - Pain**

**Disclaimer: I own the words, not the Twilight.**

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Pain.

Excruciating pain.

And loss. Such an intense feeling of loss.

Was this what you were supposed to feel?

Didn't people always talk about how it got numb?

I craved that now.

Numbness.

Anything to take away the shattered feeling in my chest.

As if there were nothing worth living for anymore, no point to anything.

No point to the world.

No point to living.

No point to existence.

No point to _me_.

I wanted the numbness.

Oh, how I wanted it.

If I had the numbness, I wouldn't feel this loss of him.

This aching loss of my brother.


	2. Music

**Prompt - Music**

**Disclaimer: Words, mine. Twilight, not.**

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The sounds couldn't comfort me.

But they were all I had.

I tried to drown the pain in loud songs.

In beats of happy.

In words of love.

In notes of memory.

But none of it worked.

And inevitably, I'd get a song of pain.

Get words of loss.

Get reverberating notes of _missing_.

And I'd sink back down into the pit.

That pit.

It'd been my home for the past twelve hours.

I wasn't sure I'd ever get out.

Wasn't sure there was anything waiting for me on the outside.

Wasn't sure I _deserved_ to be out of it.


	3. Drive

**Prompt - Drive**

**Disclaimer: SMeyer owns Twilight.**

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Tears, so many tears.

How had I not run out by now?

I'd come home, to our home.

To the home he'd never left.

And that I'd escaped at the first chance.

Everyone was already there.

Already crying.

I fit right in.

Between tears and angry words said in pure, utter sadness, they explained.

Green beans.

They'd been out of green beans.

So he went to get some.

It was his last errand.

Something about ice, and a bad section of road.

I only knew there wasn't anyone to blame.

It was no one's fault.

That hurt worse.

Somehow.

Impossibly.


	4. Tomorrow

**Prompt - Tomorrow**

**Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine. Obviously.  
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Another day has come and gone and passed and yet another popped in its place.

I can't believe any tomorrow can come without you.

But it's happened.

And everyone you love is here now.

I think anyone you ever knew.

Anyone whose life you ever touched.

They're all showing up.

All coming here.

For you.

Because they miss you, too.

And can't believe you're gone either.

Even your college roommate showed up.

Mom talked about how she hadn't heard from him in years.

But he showed up.

Because he loved you.

Because you touched his life, even though you two had drifted apart.

Because he misses you.

Just like us.


	5. Wind

**Prompt - Wind**

**Disclaimer: Twilight still not mine.**

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I wanted to forget.

I _needed_ to forget.

Just as I did when I first saw him standing on our porch.

Standing there with sad shoulders, coat flapping, hair ruffling in the breeze.

And clouded eyes.

Except more. I wanted to forget more.

For longer.

"Make me forget," I begged shamelessly, curving myself to him.

I could see pain in his eyes.

Pain for me, for him, for both of us.

And I wanted it to go away.

Wanted him to make it go away for the both of us.

At least for a time, a moment, a respite where each of us could breathe wholly for once.

Could breathe without the crushing weight of loss bearing down on us.

Without feeling that space inside us, left empty by death.


	6. Back

**Prompt - Back**

**Disclaimer: Still ain't mine. Twilight, that is.**

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Strong arms came around me from behind.

But they weren't the arms I wanted more than anything.

The arms I'd never have again.

These were slighter, more casual and hidden strength than the muscular ones I'd never feel again.

Yet they were warm, so warm.

And for just an instant, I felt safe as they wrapped around me.

Tendons just below the smooth and light and freckle-dusted skin stretching and showing me a visual of protection.

I felt the shifting, felt him pull his torso up to rise above me.

I turned my head and neck immediately, seeking the comfort and extra warmth his body could provide.

Avoiding the mirrored loss I'd see in his eyes.

I felt so cold these days.

He paused, then moved easily, climbing over me quickly until we faced each other.

And he could pull me near.

He didn't tell me to ssshhh.

Didn't murmur anything about how it'd be okay.

Didn't tell me it'd all get better.

He just held me close, tight.

As if he wanted to crush me into his very being.


	7. Laughter

**Prompt - Laughter**

**Disclaimer: SMeyer owns all the Twilight stuff.**

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I laughed today.

But you weren't here to hear it.

You weren't here to cause it.

You weren't _here_.

You'll never be here again.

I'll never hear _your_ laugh again.

Never laugh with you again.

Never hear our laughs mixing again.

And I have to accept that.

But I don't want to.

I want _you_ back.

I want to hear your laugh.

And feel it in my heart.

I want to hear you tell one of your jokes.

And laugh along with it.

I want to see your smile.

And watch it light you up.

But I _can't_.

Ever again.

I miss you.

So much.


	8. Skin

**Prompt - Skin**

**Disclaimer: Twilight's forever not mine.**

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I'd never wanted someone so bad.

Part of me knew I only wanted him because of what he could give me.

Because of what he was willing to give me.

Even if he was only willing to give that because of his grief.

But I shared that grief.

And it made me want.

Just like him.

Maybe that wasn't all, maybe there was more.

I didn't want to take the time to figure it out.

I wanted _him_.

_Now_.

His clothes gone.

My clothes gone.

The sheets under me.

Him above me.

His hands on my body.

My name on his lips.

"Bella."

His lips on mine.

Tongue inside my mouth.

I wanted more of him inside.

Skin on skin; no barriers.

Nothing stopping, nothing blocking.

Shift, pull, slide, there.

_Forget_.

Nothing but him.

Nothing but this.

Nothing but feeling.

_Feel._

Feel, feel, feel.

Him.

Slick.

Sweat.

Skin.

Forget.

_Nothing._


	9. Remembrance

**Prompt - Remembrance**

**Disclaimer: SMeyer still owns Twilight.**

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I woke fiercely, as though I'd been literally _ripped_ from sleep.

The happy tenor, smiling face, laughing memories faded into the foreground with consciousness.

I could feel arms secured tight around me.

And, the dream still strong in my mind, smiled at the sweetness of my brother.

Wet.

Wet, wet, wet all over my face.

Why was I crying?

No, this was straight out sobbing.

But why?

I maneuvered my body around in the arms holding me.

Whispered the name of whose embrace I thought had me.

Expected to see the face featured in my dreams.

Before I could twist around all the way, properly see, a quiet and pain-filled voice whispered to me.

"No, sweetheart. No."

I rushed to look at the strange voice's owner, scared confusion making me balk.

But reality came crashing back.

Vicious and unrepentant.

Though it hadn't seemed possible, my sobbing grew worse.

Soon, I noticed my hair and neck were getting wet.

Edward was crying as well, rocking us back and forth slowly.

My tears soaked his shirt.

His dropped onto my neck and bare shoulder.

Neither of us said a word.

Left this moment of shared vulnerability and grief to be only _felt_.


	10. Love

**Prompt - Love**

**Disclaimer: I no own Twilight.**

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"Tears, like the capacity to love, seem to be unending sometimes..."

"You don't love me."

If not for the situation, the feelings, the spark, might have been there for that.

Maybe.

"You're wrong," he said quietly.

Lip trembling, I opened my mouth to protest, but he wouldn't allow me that.

"I _do_ love you. I barely know you, I will admit. I'm not _in_ love with you, but I do love you."

Unable to speak, to find any sort of proper or perfect words, I settled for kissing his neck.

And hoped the action would speak loudly enough for me.


	11. Seven

**Prompt - Seven**

**Disclaimer: Twilight doesn't belong to me.**

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The second I let myself think about it, let it come back, let the here and now thoughts ebb ever-so-slightly.

Then the grief and pain flood back in.

Tears well up in my eyes without permission, as they seem to have been doing for a solid week.

A week.

One week.

Only a single week, and yet it feels like a lifetime without you.

I could go, and had gone, months without talking to you, without hearing a word about what was going on in your life.

And I was sadly fine with that.

It was just another thing that slipped through the cracks between work and college and friends and professors and homework and parties and life.

But one week, one tiny, little, measly seven days without knowing you're around.

Knowing I could call you at the oddest moment, show up in front of you at any day, and without a second's hesitation, you'd give me the hug you reserved solely for me.

One week of that, and I can't deal.

Can't believe.

Not sure I'll ever totally heal.


	12. Resonate

**Prompt - Resonate**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing about Twilight.**

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They said your memory will live on.

You're just a memory to them now.

I know they don't mean that.

But they say it.

I'm trying to see this as a good thing, though.

Trying to find some light in this dark tornado.

You'd have wanted that.

You were always so bright.

I know you'd want me to find something good in this.

To make your last act, bringing us all together, not be a waste.

And I think this week, no matter what, _will_ live on for me.

The sadness might get easier.

Not having you around might get easier.

But it'll always be there.

It'll never go away.

And I've realized that.

I've acknowledged it.

I may not like it, but I know it.

I refuse to let it be all I take with me.

It has to be more.

Because _you_ were so much more.

I think you'd be happy about Edward, at least.

I remember you tried to set us up one time.

Maybe if I'd accepted then, instead of fighting you on it, you'd still be here.

I can't think about that.

Because it won't change it.

Nothing can change it.

I've realized that, too.


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